The Healing Power of Admitting You Were Abused: Why It’s Hard and How to Overcome It

As a single mom, you may have experienced feelings of being scared, anxious or hoping nobody finds out about the emotional abuse that happened to you. This is exactly how I felt. I was full of fear and didn’t want anyone to know. In addition, the unknown of what may happen if others found out – friends, family, or employers. The fear of wondering if they would think less of me. However, despite the emotional inner wounds, admitting that you were abused is often one of the hardest steps towards healing and regaining control of your life. In this post, I’ll explore why it’s challenging to admit that emotional abuse happened and offer some tips on how I overcame these barriers.

Shame and Self-Blame

One of the primary reasons why people find it hard to admit they were abused is due to shame and self-blame. You may feel ashamed of being in the situation, believing that it’s your fault for allowing it to happen. If you are like me, you may think “if only I was a better spouse”. You may also blame yourself for not leaving earlier. I am here to say, you can only leave when the timing is right for you and for me it was when I felt strong enough, safe and I had a plan. Most important, it’s essential to understand that abuse is never your fault, you’re not alone and it affects all income levels. If you’re like me, you don’t think it happens to professionals, but it does. It happens in the wealthiest of families.

To overcome this, start by developing self-compassion and empathy towards yourself. What has helped me tremendously is saying “of course that’s why I did that or felt that way”. Every time a why comes up in your mind, answer it with love as you would a small child. It’s very powerful self-talk.

Fear of Repercussions

Another reason why you may hesitate to admit abuse is the fear of potential repercussions. Your abuser may have threatened you with harm, violence, or other forms of retaliation, making it challenging to speak up. Kids are the number one pawn who I know first hand you have to protect. I had to deal with this for many a number of years and totally understand your need to prioritize your safety, your kids safety and your well-being.

I was lucky to have an advocate who was on my side. Contact your local domestic violence organization, helpline, or find resources that are available to you. These organizations can offer you different safety plans and discus protection orders and what legal services may be helpful so you can navigate a challenging situation. In my situation, being that he was law enforcement, to keep myself safe, I didn’t reach out to law enforcement or get a restraining order. Knowing this, helped prevent escalating the situation. You always have to do what’s right for you.

Guilt Over Breaking Up the Family

If you’re like me, you may feel guilty about the impact of leaving an abusive relationship and the impact it can have on your children. I know first hand at how heartbreaking it was to make the decision to break up the family. However, I will say in my experience, I didn’t want my children to think it was ok for a spouse to treat them the way I was being treated.

Difficulty Accepting the Reality of Abuse

Accepting that you were abused can be a traumatic and painful experience that involves acknowledging powerlessness, vulnerability, and dashed dreams. It can shatter your sense of identity, trust, and safety. However, denying or minimizing the severity of the abuse can prolong the healing process and hinder your recovery.

Reflect on your experiences, and ask yourself if your daughter were in your shoes, what advice would you give her? If you still find it challenging to accept the reality of abuse, know you’re not alone. I had the most difficult time accepting it too. At first, it was important for me to find a therapist to help me understand what I had been through. Now, I have found great success in a self healing journey. It’s definitely not for everyone, however, if you are interested, please get in touch. I find it to be the most kind, loving way to recover. If it’s safe for you, I’d like to welcome you to join the private Facebook group, Single Mom’s Money & Emotions: THRIVING after emotional abuse.

One Last Thing…

It’s understandable if you’re finding it hard to admit that you were abused. The emotional wounds left by the trauma can be challenging to overcome, along with the fear, guilt, and shame may be holding you back. But remember, you’re not alone, and there is always help and support available to you. Take the time to prioritize your safety, well-being, and know there is the option of doing a self-healing journey. Acknowledging the abuse took place is the first step towards reclaiming your power, healing your wounds, and creating a new and fulfilling life for yourself and your children. It’s totally possible. I am living proof!

This WAVwatch has helped me with my emotions!💗