Identifying Gaslighting: 9 Examples Every Woman Should Know

Being a single mom is never easy, but it can be particularly challenging if you have left someone who was constantly manipulating you. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can leave you feeling confused, anxious, depressed and self-doubting. What gaslighting is, is making you question yourself. With this in mind, they are trying to convince you that what you are remembering is incorrect. In addition, they try to be sincere and show empathy towards you. Their sympathy towards you is not genuine because they are trying to take the situation off themselves and put it on you. The worst part is that it is hard to recognize especially when you’re in the middle of it. If you’re not sure what gaslighting is, you’re not alone. It can be very subtle and it’s typical when there is a power imbalance. In this post, I’ll go over some ways I have experienced gaslighting and give you 9 examples so you can identify it.

“What Are You Talking About”

The first tactic of gaslighting is to act as if they have no idea what you’re talking about. This is especially true if they have given you the silent treatment (another form of emotional abuse). They may pretend not to remember things you’ve discussed or experiences you’ve shared. This can make you start questioning your own memory and perception of events. There is no way you can try to convince them about what you are talking about, because they will never acknowledge it.

“It’s your Fault”

Another tactic of gaslighting is when they say, It’s your fault for what happened or how you are feeling. It’s also your fault if they are unhappy and it’s your fault if you’re unhappy. The gas lighter never takes accountability for their actions. They won’t stop pushing the blame onto you until you accept the blame. This can be confusing because it can make you feel like you’re the one who is in the wrong, when really, it’s your former spouse who is behaving poorly.

“I think you need help”

Gas lighters often accuse their partners of being crazy, irrational or overly emotional. They may suggest that you need therapy or medication for your behavior. As a result, I actually went to therapy! With this intention, they make it seem like they are being really kind, but they are not. As a result, they do this to make you doubt yourself and believe that something must be wrong with you. It’s really meant to distract you from their bad behavior.

“You’re too sensitive”

Another way gaslighting can manifest is by downplaying your emotions and making you feel like they are invalid. They may tell you that you’re too sensitive, overreacting, or making a big deal out of nothing. Yes! I felt like there was definitely something wrong with me. Unfortunately, this can make you feel like your feelings don’t matter and that you should just brush things off. Above all and in reality, your emotions are valid and deserve to be acknowledged. All I can say is “of course you feel this way!”

“You’re imagining Things”

It’s shocking when someone says this to you! As a matter of fact, they say this so that you doubt your own thoughts, memories and make you feel as if you are crazy. Of course, I can reassure you, you are not crazy. What they really want is for you to look inward and start questioning yourself and doubting your own perception of reality. In return, it makes you rely more on them than your own self. Whit this intention, you can see this is not good, because it lowers your self-esteem.

“It was all a misunderstanding”

A gas lighter may twist events to make it seem like there was a miscommunication or a misunderstanding. They may use this as an excuse for their behavior and try to manipulate you into believing that everything was just a big mistake. In the hope that they can make you second guess your own feelings and experiences. As a result, leading you to believe that maybe you’re the one who misunderstood. Nevertheless, they are trying to take the blame off themselves.

Gaslighting Others

People who engage in gaslighting might do so to others in your life as well. For example, they may try to turn your friends or family against you by telling lies or spreading rumors. Yes, this is very tough and if you need support, I am here for you.

In addition, if they say “You always read into everything” or “you are always overanalyzing every situation” yet another one “you are overthinking things”. In fear that you will figure it out, they don’t want you to think about the situation anymore. This totally messes with your self-worth, self-confidence, etc.

“I never said that”

Another common tactic is to deny and say “I never said that”. With this in mind, their point is to let you know they don’t trust or believe you and may really makes you feel like you’re crazy. I am here to let you know that you are not crazy. They may try to rewrite the past and make you question your own recollection of events. Under these circumstances, it can be extremely confusing and frustrating, but there is no way that you totally forgot what just happened. It certainly makes it difficult for you to trust your own memories. But don’t be fooled!

One Last Thing…

Gaslighting is a very real and harmful type of emotional abuse that can be difficult to identify. I didn’t know what it was until after I left the relationship. Knowing the signs and examples of gaslighting is the first step in protecting yourself from this type of abuse. Remember that you are not alone and that self-therapy is available to heal from emotional abuse. With this in mind, if you are experiencing gaslighting or any other form of abuse, I want you to know you are important and have a purpose. Furthermore, if you need help, seek out professional services, you deserve it. If it’s safe for you, join my private Facebook group, Single Moms Money & Emotions: THRIVING after Emotional Abuse.

If you felt re-traumatized by any of the information in this post, please get in touch so you can heal your emotion wounds. What does it feel like to be re-traumatized? I would feel really shaky in my body, get cold and really tired to the point where I just wanted to lay down on the couch or in my bed.